It's so cold outside
It's even colder when you get inside
I have to wear big clothes
Maybe a trench coat or a parka, I suppose
Thermal vest and runny nose
I don't want to get marmite on my clothes

The boiler doesn't work
it just makes it worse
Knowing there's a thing
that's supposed to make me warmer
The boiler doesn't work
it just makes it worse
Looking at the lump of metal
Firing up the kettle

The pressure is nought point three
I bled the system but the system bled me
The gasman didn't call
I wrote a sonate to explain it all
I wanted warmth or empathy
Instead the gasman's wife just swore at me

The boiler doesn't work
it just makes it worse
Knowing there's a thing
that's supposed to make me warmer
The boiler doesn't work
it just makes it worse
Looking at the lump of metal
Firing up the kettle

Where's the instruction book?
Where should I start to look?

Ooh

I might die

...as heard on Smack the Pony...

before & after