No really, I don't do Christmas stress. I don't. Really.

We managed to make it into a Christmas Market today with Jim. Naturally we were late - all proper people had been and gone before we even got out of bed - so it wasn't even too crammed. A nice old man gave us generous free samples of some Scottish whisky, so no Christmas stress for sure. Got us a nice little loot, too: spiced whisky, sherry, spiced rum (well it was only decent to be nice towards that sweet old man!), cheeses, biscuits, honey mustard, freshly roasted coffee beans, fudge etc. etc. Oh yum.

In the middle of all this merriment, I had the most distrubing dream I've had in a long time last night. First of all, I gave birth to a fish. You know, a normal fish, scales, gills, the lot. It seemed slightly disappointing, but perfectly normal. I think I even cared for the fish afterwards.

I was running around in a huge estate with a guy I used to know in school and there was a plot of some sort going on (why are my dreams always located on some huge old British estate?!), but I can't remember much about it.

Somehow then I was pregnant again. I wasn't supposed to give birth to the (whatever) yet, but went into labour anyway. It was unpleasant and graphic and really not something I ever want to dream about again. I thought in the dream that I was having another fish (!!!) but what came out looked like a dark red, veiny and fleshy gingerbreadman with no hands. Oh it was so gross... And yet it was alive and it was supposed to be my baby and I was supposed to take care of it. So I put the thing down and panicked for a while and went back to it, only to find it had legged it. I was gutted to have lost it and searched my grandmother's apartment (which logically was part of the estate) over and over again... I finally found it floating in an empty, old and dirty container, in the sink, in the middle of piles of unwashed and mouldy dishes. It was all dead and drowned.

Oh, and when it floated there, I noticed that it had on it's head... an unhappy emoticon.

Ick, yuck, shudder. And most of all - What the fuck?!


before & after