Oh it's been awful! I wish I hadn't come. I suppose it was good on the long run that I got to say my last goodbyes to my grandfather and see everything with my own eyes and so on, and the funeral could have gone worse, but still. Everything is in a big messy mess with relatives. Arguments and old resentments are popping up from decades ago, happily going hand in hand with new fights. It's all very unpleasant.

Right now it seems impossible that anything could ever be the way it used to, and I feel like even all my good memories about people I've spent my whole life loving very much have been tainted and ruined for good.

I can't wait to get back home.

The first snow is falling as I'm typing, thick and heavy. Big, wet flakes.


before & after