First the good news. I have a new godson and a nephew. My gorgeous little nephew was born yesterday and is healthy and well and beautiful.

Then the bad news. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday, and I found out our fertility problems are in fact much more serious than so far has been thought. Good bye the possibility of getting pregnant by losing weight and taking clomiphen. Hello IVF somewhere in the future. We are in a way putting our dreams of children on hold now at least over the summer and most likely longer, and concentrating on other things in life.

When I heard these news I didn't first feel anything. I walked out of the hospital dazed and as in fog. World seemed unreal. I phoned Jim and told him everything in a very matter-of-fact way. Then only fifteen minutes later I got the phone call from my brother, telling me that I'm an aunt. I have to admit that my first feelings probably weren't those of joy, but very confused and even bitter. They have a baby. I might never have one. And I felt awful for it. But now slowly that feeling is passing and making room for the gladness. I'm and aunt and a godmother, and there is a new little soul in this world and in our family! I also feel very permanently "adult" now... There's now a generation younger than me... I have to say, I like it :)

before & after